Silly definitions A-M

I don't quite know where the last seven weeks disappeared to, seem to have lost my blogging mojo for a bit there.

Anyway ... I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the very silly definitions from my friend Troy Simpson's book, The Funny Dictionary. These definitions have come from student essays, which Troy heroically trawled through. I did these few illustrations for the book.

A la carte: When you can have all the desserts that's on the trolley

Ampersand: A special kind of sand used in electricity

Ave Domine: 'Lord, I am a bird.' [my favourite]

Barber: The opposite of heiress

Botulism: A close study of plants

Caterer: Someone who minds your cat

Circular Argument: Presiding at a board meeting

Coup de Grâce: A lawn mower

Cynic: Someone who refuses to believe in fairy tales

Decimal: A fraction with a point

Democracy: Government by demons

Diabolic: Having diabetes

Banter: a small rooster

Dogma: The mother of puppies

Dolt: Grown-up person

Emu: The name of the noise made by a cat

Equestrian: One who asks questions

Etymologist: A man who catches butterflies and stuffs them

Fetish: People who enjoy going to fetes

Fiction: Those books that are fixed on the shelves and are not to be moved; non-fiction are not fixed and may be moved at will

Filet Mignon: An opera by Puccini

Giraffe: The highest form of life

Grammar: An important part of languish

Grizzly: A bear that grizzles all day

H2O: H I J K L M N O (this is actually the basis of a famous cryptic clue, too!)

Hooligan: A polygon with seven sides

Argonaut: A man who goes up in a spaceship

Himalayas: Very lofty and steep mountains, and about five times the length of Earlsfield Road

Ignorant: Not knowing what to say when your teacher asks you something silly

Import: A port very far inland

Indigo: Like vertigo, only deep blue

Jigsaws: What people in Japan ride in

Ladies: The plural possessive of gentlemen

Lent: A dull time that we deliberately make even duller

Lunatic: From luna meaning moon, and attic, meaning top story

Macaroons: A type of sprgety [sic!]

Mangoes: Wherever woman goes

Microbe: A robe that mics wear

Milky Way: The way you feed infants

Misery: Someone who travels to remote places to convert savages into Christians

Monotony: Having only one wife or husband

Mother-in-law: Part of marriage that cannot be escaped, like the bride

Multitude: What you get when you multiply

....

I'll post Part 2 soon!

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